Archive for December, 2007

27
Dec
07

ALIENS VS PREDATOR: REQUIEM – WORST MOVIE EVER.

What a fucking stinker.

Let’s preface this by saying that I love both the Alien movies and the Predator movies. All 6 of the films had some sort of redeeming quality to them and I still watch them frequently. Buy the Alien Quadriolgy boxset. One of the best purchases I have ever made.

I was not a fan of Alien Vs Predator. It was a feeble attempt to try and advance the series. It seemed like it was a paycheck movie for some involved (you reading this, Henriksen? I know it, you know it.) It was a mess. It killed off a lot of the mythology that was involved with the original movies.

I’m not going to get into explaining the plot of the movie because, well, there was none. It picks up right where the last turd dropped and continues on in a small town in Colorado. Why Colorado? Your guess is as good as mine. The characters (who all attended the Shatner Academy of Thespian Arts) are completely undeveloped. That’s one thing about the original movies, you cared about the characters. You wanted them to live but knew that they weren’t. In this one, I wanted them all to die slow, painful deaths. And by that, I mean off the screen. I’ve seen SciFi Channel movies that had better acting. Whoever wrote this movie should be drawn and quartered for such gem lines as…

We need guns.

The government doesn’t lie!

Remember when I used to ride in the back of the squad cars?

The action scenes were lifted directly from the other movies. As I watched it, I felt like I was watching a cheap rehash of the previous films. There’s a fine line between paying homage to the previous movies and downright RIPPING THEM OFF. This movie took everything directly from those flicks and turned them into one, not easy to digest crap sandwich with a side of turds.

The ending was another cheap shot that basically baited people to flock to see Aliens Vs Predator: The Hunt For Another Payday. I cannot believe that they’d throw Yutani in the mix after the bang up job that was done putting Weyland in the first movie.

I implore you to not see this movie. If you’re a fan of either of the series, do the honorable thing and don’t let Fox get your money and have some quick thinking studio executive say “hey, isn’t it time we try to revive that franchise?

Advertisements
26
Dec
07

This is exactly how I feel…

Human extinction is a good idea.

Fuck consumerist holidays.