Archive for February, 2007

27
Feb
07

Emo is a threat?

I can’t believe that the media has stooped to this level of shoddy reporting on something that isn’t really a threat.

The part where the sheriff (who is wearing a hat that’s comparable to being a NASCAR hat, but only for him being a sheriff) is explaining what “emos” are, I damned near pissed my pants.

To whoever this station is, do some research other than Myspace or Facebook to cover a story.

Morons.

20
Feb
07

Remember when birdbrain was an insult?

Apparently this resourceful crow didn’t get the memo.

Animals truly amaze me sometimes.

20
Feb
07

The Beard Of The Year….

Nope, this isn’t a pro-Saddam post at all. I was just using his likeness to exemplify how much long beards rule and it’s my mission to have a glorious beard such as the fallen dictator of Iraq at some point this year.

The foundation has been laid and I’m going to hold true to this one, you can bet your bottom, Dollar that by the end of 2007 I’m going to be picking tofu from the previous nights feast from my flowing locks of facial hair.

Why am I doing this, you ask?

Mainly because I can.

I’ve always had an infatuation with long facial hair from the time I started reading Darwin to this day, every time I see a man with a longbeard, I think to myself “there is someone that knows how to party!”

So mark this one in your calenders because I am going to do this.

I guess that means my career in the food service industry is fucking over. I can’t tell you how thankful I am for that.

18
Feb
07

Saturday Night Blogging…

Here it is, yet another Saturday night that I am sitting at the desk featured to your left. Sorry that the picture is so blurry and webcam-y, but since I have this stubborn refusal to buy a nice digital camera until they’re under a hundred bucks for a 6 megapixel deal, you’re going to have to deal.

I’d like to thank Steff for the sweet flat screen monitor. Having space on my desk is an alien concept to me. Now I have more room for coffee mugs, cups of water and more clutter! Precisely what I needed!!!

So I guess not being content with a drag out divorce proceeding or having her gash on every website known to man, Britney Spears decided to shave her head today. Pretty silly if you ask me. It’s too bad that she can’t be content with merit and has to go for shock, rather than doing something good.

At least her ex, the ever important K-Fed has a sense of humor about where his career is going.

Tonight I was treated to a visit to Qdoba Mexican Grill with a few coworkers and I must say that it wasn’t until tonight I fully developed an appreciation for their burritos. A lot of people that I know refer to them as a the knock off Chipotle, but for some reason this burrito was as bitching as ever. I definitely need to make more stops there in my short amount of time residing in Maryland.

And perusing the internets, I found this little gem on Msnbc. Talk about putting your foot in your mouth.

I can’t believe that made it past the editing department.

Oh well, that’s all I got for tonight. Perhaps another post this week!

17
Feb
07

Eat a dick, Brooke Hogan…

Dear Brooke Hogan,

We all know that since you had moderate success as a reality TV show subject but since you’re nothing more than the daugther of a washed up 80’s wrestling star, do you really think that gives you any sort of legs to stand on when judging other people?

After listening to the recycled garbage that you call music, I can only gather that you’re jealous of people that have this one thing that you definitely lack.

What is it that I’m looking for here? What’s the right word that I can’t seem to put my finger on?

Oh yea, that would be talent.

It seems like in the duration of your short life, you’ve had this lifelong obsession to try and avoid talent as much as you could. Could it be indicative of a genetic lack of talent? After seeing your father trying to be an actor. If anyone tells me that Suburban Commando was a good movie, I will personally punch you in your reproductive organs. That movie fucking sucked, just like your “music” does. It must be nice to sit in that cushy little throne you have made for yourself being nothing more than a third rate Britney Spears knock off. At least she has a little talent, not much but some.

In closing, I’d just like to say that you’re definitely going to have a hard time garnering any sort of career for yourself that doesn’t involve you smoking dicks by the dozen without a video camera nearby. It’s a tough life, kid, but I’m sure that you’ll always have the memories of failure to keep you warm!

Love,
Eddie Hostagecalm.

14
Feb
07

Where’s Eddie Murphy???

The Police are reunited for the time being (I guess Sting was broke?) and I’m happy about it. Little known fact is that I’m a huge fan of this band and I’m curious to see how much tickets are for this. Of course they’ll be too far out of my price range and I’ll live vicariously through the miracle of YouTube to get my fix.

The weather has gone haywire and I’m in Philadelphia with my lady for Valentine’s Day. Who knows if we’ll get the falafel we’ve been craving for today since there’s two inches of ice on the ground!

I’ll be back later this week with a lengthy update with some MP3 goodness for yo’ asses!

06
Feb
07

Global Warming My Ass!!



Winter has officially arrived here.

Granted I should have made this post yesterday, but I was lazy and tired. In part due to the weather and in part because of my shitty sleeping habits.

Tonight we’re supposed to get a snowfall with an accumulation of 1 to 3 inches, which means the restaurant will be dead (and damn it since I’ll be there until the bitter end) because every person that lives in this area will panic and need to run to the grocery store to get their “it’s only snow, but we’re going to treat it like the bomb is on the way” supplies.

So they’ll pile all the kids in the SUV and head to the grocery store and buy all the milk, bread and toilet paper out. I kid you not, you can read them like the hands on a clock. If there’s a chance that it might snow, you can bet your bottom, dollar that they’ll go in droves and make the snag. If they can’t, watch out. Remember this is the county where you’re more important than everyone else, so it’s only natural that they need these items more than you do.

Self-importance is amazing like that.

What will I do?

Carry on as usual. This weather doesn’t bother me much unless I have to do some long distance walking in it. I layer up and get going. I can’t let this stuff bother me.